‘n iemand

ek weet nie
hoe ek
oor jou voel nie
maar
ek weet dat ek
die beste weergawe
van myself
rondom jou wil wees
om saak te maak
nie noodwendig
vir die wêreld
maar dat ek
in jou wêreld
iets
of
‘n iemand
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ranting & raving OR seeing the growth opportunity & slaying my giants…

okay… so emotionally I kind of feel rather fragile & want to curl up in a little ball, hiding under my duvet with a good book…

it would be so much easier to rant & rave about the happenings of the last two weeks…
like the friend questioning the way I handle certain situations & my coping mechanisms
like the friend who is there only to give advice but not there to just be in my company
like the fact that my car is still not yet fixed, some new problems popped up
like the migraines I’ve experienced the last couple of days
like some colleagues who want everything to be done for them & not making the effort of trying to do it themselves

OR

I could choose to see the positives & decide to make the most out of every situation & to slay my giants…
seeing God’s provision on a daily basis, friends who step out of their way to care, getting out & living life actively, overcoming a fear, doing something for someone else to make them smile, meeting some crazy cool people, being reminded of my worth – that I’m seen as precious, valuable & sought after.

learning to not just fall into negativity!
yes, feeling the emotion but not allowing the emotion to have total control over me. to express what I’m feeling – to not allow others to trample on me, & to speak up when necessary!!

to go towards my giant & face it head on & then slay it!
to know that I’m not in this thing we call life alone
to realise that it is my choice whether I will rant & rave (which is necessary at times) or whether I will pick myself up, dust myself off & try again, choosing to live life actively & to grab hold of the growth opportunities in front of me.

it is my choice on what I’ll do with every situation – to see it as a stumbling block or a growth opportunity

growth opportunities provided by my 4peaks 2014 adventure

learning to take what is thrown my way into stride & see the growth opportunities & make the most of each learning curve…

somehow this past weekend was truly a trying adventure where I had to face my fears & step out of my comfort zone. it kind of feels like I fell flat on my face – I didn’t finish the race (yes, body kinda shut down AGAIN)

looking back, I now will admit…
– I didn’t train hard & long enough
– wasn’t as mentally prepared as I thought (& told myself) I was
but I take these as learning curves & growth opportunities…
not just seeing what went wrong, but actively doing something to not allow it to happen again. to not just sit back & think I can carry on as is, but to choose to do something about it all.

the weekend was a true adventure… & even though I didn’t finish the race & walked out with some things to seriously take into consideration for the future… the weekend wasn’t all gloom & doom.

I achieved something – I made it to checkpoint 1, up the 1st pyramid 🙂
so I’ve decided that next year I’ll go cheer & support & help out where help is needed & just do the pyramid challenge.

just some of the crazy moments that made this weekend memorable…
being teased about happy knees & fishnet tights… setting up a tent with the help of friendly neighbours in what felt like gale force winds… (wondering if anything would blow away) supper with friends! don’t mess with my tutu 🙂 spotting a pink bunny rabbit… making new friends along the way!! facing my fears… receiving a helping hand… talking about purpose & what living is… meeting facebook friends face to face… helping out at the finishing shute… asking for people’s numbers… giving high 5’s & sharing free hugs! sharing war stories!! a lot of laughs (wondering if it had anything to do with what we were drinking) cheering friends on who participated in the pyramid challenge… (trying to see if there were any trolls living under the bridge we crossed) packed up camp… stopping for wimpy brunch… playing an epic game of eye spy…
and then the waterpipe burst!
thankful for the friends I’ve got!! (thankful for roadside coffee)
shared some more war stories… waterpistols made their appearance & someone got shot every 5 minutes… saw a breathtaking sunset & watched the supermoon rise… got picked up & brought back to Bfn in a towtruck
(watch the videoclip – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qwuGtnuI48)
organised for the car to be sorted! had some coffee & a shot of something stronger.

I think, taking into consideration that on Monday it was 13 years later since my mom’s passing, all the emotions of the weekend & me missing my mom left me feeling just a bit overwhelmed…

BUT, isn’t it amazing to know that it is exactly when we feel vulnerable, lost & weak that God will show us through all sorts of little things how truly LOVED we are.
that even in what feels like a gigantic storm, He’s the one holding us safe & that no matter what, He’ll take care of us!!

realising again how blessed I am, & it’s really not for me!!
it is so I can be a blessing unto others!!

nervously excited

technically I think I’m more nervous than excited… but it is a good combination of the two… thinking about what is lying ahead, I know I’ll be coming face to face with a rather great fear of mine – the fear of failure! not only that, but I’ll come face to face with a situation where last year I was turned around & sent back & I didn’t finish.

yes the saying is true – dead last is better than didn’t finish & didn’t finish is better than didn’t start. so I’ll facing the greatest obstacle & get to the starting line of the Pure Adventures powertraveler 4Peaks Mountain challenge sponsored by Salomon on Saturday morning.

am I scared spitless?? well, not exactly as my nose decided now will be a great time to run all over the place… (have it clearing up at least) but the nerves have started toying with my mind – bringing to the fore all the fears that I’ve got…
like twisting my ankle right before the start (or in this week’s build up)
having another asthma attack (and not having my asthma pump with me)
not waking up in time & missing the start…
all the doomsday prophets (some are actually friends) who have questioned & said I shouldn’t & wont be able to finish…

and yet I know, I need to take the challenge!
to go beyond my own thinking of what I think I can, to go beyond my normal & to prove that I can (not for anyone else, but just for me)
to know that my preparation was good, I’ve got my asthma under control (& will have my asthma pump in my bag), I’ve got everything I need & I do have friends & family cheering me on!

& it is an appointment to see more of God in the mountains, to take the time with Him in nature & make the most of everything!

it’s been said that this is the toughest 24km mountain race!!
well, I need to finish it, I need to go finish what I started last year… it’s all about having fun along the way!! doing it my way, my pace (even if I’m walking it)…
I also want to hear when I cross that finish line – Carla, you are a mountain runner!!

for more info on the race check out the following website
http://4peaks.co.za/