Why is it so difficult to face a blank page with thoughts burning in your mind wanting to be imprinted on a page or to appear on a screen? & then the many questions of where to begin…
Somehow it clicks & the sentences starts to flow
I lost myself & found that my creativity & Carla spark was dying an extreme slow death… It still scares me to think that I could get so busy & in the process lost so much of myself! I fell off the wagon big time – not just mentally, but also physically…. To such a point where I found myself burning out!
In all of this I’m guilty of not paying attention to my gutfeelings (even though I would rather call it the nudgings of the Holy Spirit)… not taking it seriously…. I do believe God used friends and family around me to open my eyes to what was going on – even though I did not listen, nor wanted to take them serious… I had to emotionally & physically break down to see what they were seeing – to see the deep pit I was digging myself into.
& then the big realisation… I took a lot of unnecessary things onto my own shoulders – not allowing others to stand with or even help me. Ignoring biblical principles of allowing others to help carry my burdens, & with me being overburdened, I was not able to help others carry their burdens.
Own hurts & insecurities also over complicated so many things – especially talking about frustrations of what was going on & then to take advice… Where with many it started to feel that their ideas of what I should be attempting was more important than my actual well being – that they just wanted to say something, even when they did not have the full picture of what was truly going on. To such an extent that I did not want to share the darkness I was going through.
Thankfully I have a support network that did not give up on me, even when I was trying to push them away. & most important of all – God never let me go! I was pushed to a point where I had to take some serious introspection…
I had to make a decision to say enough is enough!! & from there I had to take the difficult steps to unburden myself & start to take care of me for the first time in a very long time… Saying it is okay not to be okay, but not getting stuck in it – to step out & get going in a relearning process of self care.
In this process I’m relearning the value of my support network, the value of time for things that lights my Carla spark & figuring out a routine that works for me. & yes, that includes taking better care of my physical & emotional health. ALSO to work on & grow my relationship with God to ensure a healthy balance in all aspects of life!
I am truly thankful for my Wolf who has stood by my side & encouraged me to not lose hope nor faith in God (even in the darkest of times where we both felt like throwing in the towel). God has truly been gracious & we have been blessed in ways that I could not even try to comprehend!! ALL HONOUR & GLORY & PRAISE TO GOD!!
until the next pieces….
kind regards from this side of the screen